I didn’t even want a journal.
Correction: I wanted a journal – I didn’t want to write in it.
I wanted to pick out a really chic modern/not modern/classy/trendy leather (or some other material that makes you feel like you’re a really bougie New York journalist. You know, dressed in the perfect camel-colored trench coat and petite pumps, hailing a cab to go to your quaintly decorated downtown office located on the corner of “my life is fricken TO-GE-THER” and “why yes, I bought a latte on my way to work because why would I make coffee myself?”) And just stack it on my desk with a candle on top to LOOK like I’m that girl. Good enough. But this time, that was not good enough.
Let me paint a picture for you.
It was a drizzly, chilly, gloomy night of boredom and I thought “…might as well go to Hobby Lobby.” The correct thought, right? Commence the beautiful vision of a tired zombie girl walking through the isles in sweatpants, a sweatshirt and baseball cap, no makeup, rain-frizzed hair, the works. It was a glamorous night, where in the middle of a trip that was supposed to make you feel better, it actually made you feel like “what am I even doing here?”
I’ll just add in that before making this trip, I had just had one of those calls all twenty-something year old girls have with their moms. One that starts with, “Just calling to say hi” but turns into,
“I don’t know what I’m doing with my life…and no one understands…and everything is the worst…and what is the meaning of life anyway because I don’t even understand my taxes so how am I EVER GOING TO SUCCEED” snot-dripping phone calls. Beautiful. So add some slightly swollen eyes to that picture we painted up there like a perfect little cherry on top.
I moseyed past a shelf of 50% off journals – great, amazing, mind-blowing deal, right? (It’s not like everything else in Hobby Lobby was probably also 50% off.) But I felt like
“Hey, it’s December, the new year is coming, I should get a journal. Start fresh. Be inspired. Be one of those girls who actually reflects and documents her year and FEELS THINGS, you know?”
I created the whole business plan in my mind of what I would use it for, how it could add value to my life aaaand…as per my personality, abandoned ship. I thought,
“No. Who am I kidding? I don’t journal. I’m only considering this because it seems cool and trendy but I never actually do it. I’m not doing this. Plus, I’m on a budget. I’m not wasting my money. I know myself and this is stupid.”
I put it back on the shelf and was ready to head out (I almost always talk myself out of buying things after already spending too much time deliberating. I just walk out with nothing because there are almost too many options and I talk myself out of all of them. There should be a support group for this.)
But I looked back at the journal and felt God say “Get it. You’re going to need to remember all that’s about to happen in your life. Write it down.”
You’ve got to be kidding me.
Over the next four to five months, God proved Himself very right (surprise, surprise).
I was right in the middle of one of my most intense journeys to date with the Lord and I wrote all the pieces down as they happened. I wasn’t sure what events would connect, which mattered and which didn’t, how it would all add up, if I wasted $14.99 on a dumb journal (mine does not seem to be available anymore, but I almost got this one), nothing really. But I could feel His hand on all of it and (spoiler) He did in fact use it all. And is still using it.
Fast forward to today: I’m starting this blog.
To be perfectly honest, I’m not set on one specific niche for this blog, but I know I have a lot to share. Not everything will be deep. There will be a lot of lifestyle content, advice and how-to’s (from my perspective, which you are free to take or leave of course), recommendations, etc. BUT, I have been told more times than I can recall (probably should’ve recorded them in my journal and then we would know) to write and use my perspective for…whatever comes.
Right now, there is one phrase I have gotten from numerous people in my inner circle (who have no connection) to
“Just do the next right thing”
(cue Frozen 2 theme music). Prayed about it, and this definitely feels like the next right thing in a huge grand scheme of a lot of “next things” that I don’t know yet.
So, let’s cheers to the beginning!
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